A poem for you - The pain of silence

A poem for you-the pain of silence

The pain and sadness of our loss never leaves my side,

Hard to know how to deal with this grief when all I want to do is hide,

Hide from the sorrow, anger, guilt and shock that I feel,

Not sure my aching heart will ever heal,

Nearly a year has passed since we held you, kissed you and said our goodbyes,

Leaving the hospital with empty arms, eyes full of tears and wailing cries,

My mind is fully occupied with the immense love that I have for you,

Vivid in my mind you will remain until my time comes too,

When people dont want to talk about you, I am filled with hurt and despair,

I have had two daughters, I have been pregnant twice, does their lack of words mean that they dont care?

I will continue to talk about you and not allow silence around your name,

Silence from others heightens this mental turmoil and feelings of shame,

I hope you would understand the heartbreaking decision we were forced to make,

The thought of seeing you suffer daily would mean our hearts would break,

I say this, however our hearts are forever broken since you died,

Guilt takes over my thoughts and everyday I have cried,

But at least I know you never endured a day of suffering or pain,

If we had put our desire for another baby first, it would simply be for our gain,

You are my Angel companion of the night,

Thoughts of you stay with me to see the morning light,

Time has passed yet the pain and torture of this is fresh,

Seeing babies and pregnant people cause me so much distress,

Seeing people with what we dreamed of fills me with anxiety, sadness and many woes,

Gives me flashbacks of your beautiful face, your tiny fingers and tiny toes,

Gives me flashbacks to the pregnancy, hearing your heartbeat and feeling you kick,

Gives me flashbacks to the anguish of delivering a silent baby, a long labour, pain, nauseated and sick,

It hightens the devastation that we never got to play with you, read and sing to you and hear you laugh,

Never got to hear you speak, see you walk, cuddle you and give you a bath,

We will forever hold you in our hearts and our love will never go.

Sleep tight our baby girl, we miss you more than anyone will ever know

From anonymous TFMR Mama x x