"I spent the next hour alone in a room sobbing and praying to just wake up from this nightmare."
My name is Victoria, and my husband Brad and I have a 2.5-year-old son, Finn. After 9 months of trying we got pregnant with our second child. At 12.5 weeks I went in for an ultrasound (by myself because of Covid regulations) and at that appointment, our son was diagnosed with Anencephaly, a neural tube defect that is completely fatal. I spent the next hour alone in a room sobbing and praying to just wake up from this nightmare. I went home and told my husband the news, and we both felt a really strong spiritual prompting that we needed to be induced and not draw out our son’s suffering any longer. The most horrific, impossible decision but we knew it was the right thing for him.
We spent the next week and a half collecting hospital items, getting family pictures taken, and soaking in our last few days with both our sons still living. On April 30, we delivered our sweet Bennett Glen Dellrie. Despite his condition, he was so beautiful and looked so much like his older brother. The pain and trauma of his delivery and our time in the hospital with him are something I will never forget, and at 2.5 months postpartum I began attending therapy frequently to try and process and cope with the grief. We are still heartbroken over his loss and miss him more than words can say, but we know we made the right choice, and that brings us peace. I hope other TFMR moms know that they are not alone and that no matter what your choice was or what your story looks like, you did the best you could for your baby, and no one can tell you otherwise.
I’m so grateful for this community that has helped me process my grief and not feel so alone and isolated during our TFMR. Thank you for the work you do, it is so needed and important.
Gentle Update: Bennett’s first birthday is this month on April 30, 2022, and I am currently 15 weeks pregnant now with his little brother, who we recently found out is completely healthy and neural tube defect-free. The past year has held so many different emotions, but SO much healing and growth. We miss our baby so much, and the grief is still part of our daily life, but I never would have believed a year ago that we would be where we are now. I hope other parents who are going through TFMR’s and other losses know that there’s a light at the end of the tunnel and that their grief can still exist within a happy life in the future.
Thank you to Bennett's parents for sharing his story