Winding Valleys

I woke up one strange February day, feeling a peculiar kind of way

With rumblings below and an unbecoming, squeamish glow

After a night of unrest, in the morning, I finally took a test

The result: two lines of glee. Are we now trapped or set free?

Here is our second chance. May I have this dance?

Within weeks my belly and appetite grew. With dreams and doubts of that number, now two?

I couldn’t believe it…Could we really swing it?

A quiet celebration, a new bundle of joy, with bittersweet thoughts of another little boy

Preparing the village for our new arrival and updating handbooks for survival

But by week 11, May skies turned a June gloom.

At week 14, my belly metamorphasized into a tomb

The procedure uncovered that a chromosomal change was discovered

Could we, would we proceed and if so, a life of what quality?

A turbulent road with unnecessary struggle.

No, baby, let mama unload the obstacles you were not meant to juggle.

In a single moment you were there and then gone, did we indeed do something wrong?

As the days pass by and I no longer show.

Left only with the physical signs of letting you go.

At times, I want you back but now my stomach is flat.

I weep and I weep with this new secret I keep

Some may rejoice, but not necessarily with this choice.

A compassionate end or an unexpected dividend?

With important information and internal frustration, would this ultimately end in eternal damnation?

No, we put our faith in intuition and hope a more positive outcome will come to fruition.

For now, we grieve the path to reprieve and a rainbow we hope to eventually see.

But now our family tree looks so foreign to me.

A branch is now broken while our truth remains open with words left unspoken

But those who matter now know, we desire our roots to regrow with green grass and fresh snow

Another Winding Valley, a decision we will never forget

Camouflaged as dark shadows and voices of regret

But pain will not win this war in my head, through a determination for peace instead despite the countless tears we have shed

For now, I will serve my time for this silent crime

That I will never hold your tiny hands. Because the universe had other plans

Instead, we will scatter you soon in gentle waves of slumber.

These unfortunate odds, a horrible number

Please understand, we did not want you suffering. And valued your dignity above anything

I hope that we made you proud. And one day I’ll be brave enough to say your name out loud

So Dear Hummingbird and Butterfly please continue to dance with big brother. And know we will soon find one another

In a happier place with unconditional grace and a broken heart to replace

Until that day comes, friends, we carry on. To bluer skies that will one day belong in our song